Curious, I wanted to see if ChatGPT 5 could replace me—so I asked it to review Super Mario Bros.

Here’s what it came up with:

Super Mario Bros. is a masterpiece of game design. It may not be perfect by modern standards, but much of what makes platformers fun stems from what this game pioneered. Playing it, you can feel both simplicity and depth. It still holds up fairly well, especially for its historical value: for anyone interested in the roots of video games, it’s essential.

For someone today, if your expectations are adjusted (you know it won’t have modern graphics or conveniences), it’s still a joy. If you want something more modern, it can feel dated, but it’s still worth experiencing.

And—sorry—but this is bad.

First off, it says Super Mario Bros. is a masterpiece. No further explanation. But why is it a masterpiece? Level design? Pacing? Controls? World 1-1 being a tutorial in disguise? None of that is mentioned.

Then comes: “It may not be perfect by modern standards…” Okay—but which standards? Graphics? Physics? Checkpoints? It never says.

And then: “…much of what makes platformers fun stems from what this game pioneered.” Again—what did it pioneer? Side-scrolling momentum? Hidden blocks? Warp zones? We’re left hanging.

On and on it goes. The whole thing makes bold claims but never cashes them in. It feels hollow—like a book report from someone who never played the game but skimmed the back of the box.

Now—I’m not anti-AI. Far from it. But when it comes to making judgements about art, it’s obvious: AI can summarize, it can research, it can provide descriptions—but it can’t feel. And without feeling, there’s no criticism worth reading.

@videogames@piefed.social