I was in my 50s before I started understanding this stuff. Before that, I was married to a very gregarious man who was my social buffer. I could hide behind his small talk. But then he passed away and I was left twisting in the wind until I started to learn how to make small talk. Often I just ask myself what my husband would have said.

So are you autistic? Because the literal-mindedness of your answers and the lack of awareness of how to engage in small talk is telling. I say this as one on the spectrum myself; it took me a long time to understand this is just an attempt to establish social connections by finding points of commonality. “Oh, you’re from Calgary? I used to live there, too! Did you know a store called Myth Games?” Neurotypical people are also waiting for you to ask the same things in return and often feel miffed if you don’t show any curiosity about them.

Watching Harvey Penick videos helped a lot too.

It’s been 30 years so I don’t really remember. They were higher quality and cut to fit my stance, which is a little weird because I have big boobs. Also I was starting from a really low bar – 56 handicap. The biggest improvement was the distance with my woods.

I’m dead-on average.

Custom golf clubs versus off the rack. Took 30 strokes off my game.

Haircuts / hair dyeing

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Serious answer? The serenity prayer. Recognize what is in your control and what’s not. Accept what you can’t change, change what you can.

My house is big, but also he is asexual so that doesn’t pose a problem. When his friends come over, I make myself scarce by retreating into my room. We are blessed to have space to ignore each other when we want.

It’s trickier when one’s house is small – back in my younger days I remember having my boyfriend over to my parents’ house. Luckily they were very welcoming and didn’t try to make it awkward. I do think privacy for sex is a good reason to get a separate place.

My son is 27 and lives with me. We get along great. I like having him around. There is zero reason for him to pour money down the drain paying rent and utilities in a separate household. Not to mention the ecological impact of doubling the appliances and construction materials and everything else just so we can live apart. If he ever wants to get married it makes sense, but otherwise it seems really foolish the way our society expects us to live isolated from family in our own expensive boxes. I’d like to see the shaming of adults living with family just stop.

Edited to add: I acknowledge many people don’t have good families and need to get away. I’m just saying it’s silly to feel shame for doing something that is economically and socially beneficial just because society expects it

For me it was getting sober and specifically the serenity prayer. I have a terrible temper. Like break things and punch people temper. It’s always embarrassing to lose control like that. Well, saying that prayer reminds me that there are things I can control and things I can’t. Serenity is understanding the difference and accepting your powerlessness over things like the past, other people’s thoughts and actions, and even your own flaws. I am so calm now, I just have a “not my circus, not my monkeys” attitude most of the time. Occasionally, something starts to push my buttons and I have to walk away if possible, but that’s rare.

Also, make sure you’re getting enough sleep and try cutting out caffeine. Anything that causes more cortisol production is going to stress you.

Not okay with any of it.

Why bother? Those of us who believe it have no leverage to do anything about it. Those with the power to do something about it would rather fiddle as Rome burns.

It makes me glad I only had one kid and he’s not planning to procreate.

Did my childhood dog really go live on a farm in the country?

Turns out that some people have overlap in color perception that muddies things, and when you use these glasses to filter out the “in between” wavelengths, everything becomes easier to distinguish.

Rising early and going to bed early is more virtuous than rising late and going to bed late.

Office politics. I was a 4.0 student who was given an award by the faculty as best computer science student two years in a row. Despite being talented, extra hard working and driven, I had no idea how to play the game and my career stalled almost immediately. I watched others with weaker skills get promotions and raises because they knew the right people and served on the right committees. Being slightly autistic, I never realized the rules of the game. I quit after 8 years and started my own business, went back as a contractor getting 4x the pay, and it was awesome. There should be a class for people called “sucking up to management and gaming performance reviews.”

Renaissance Man sounds better

A political catch-all for non-conservatives

Being underemployed. As long as they meet their obligations, I applaud people who don’t live for work.