Yesterday, Vox somehow managed to write an entire article about the history of Oracle and its founder Larry Ellison without mentioning the CIA even once. Which is pretty astounding, given the fact that Oracle takes its name from a 1977 CIA project codename. And that the CIA was Oracle’s first customer.

. . . [Oracle book author] Rosen tells of meeting with the folks at Oracle, one of whom was David Carney, formerly the number three person at the CIA. Carney had retired after 32 years there, and been hired at Oracle to head its Information Assurance Center, founded just two months after the September 11th attacks.

. . . As Ellison himself told Rosen proudly for The Naked Crowd, “The Oracle database is used to keep track of basically everything. The information about your banks, your checking balance, your savings balance, is stored in an Oracle database. Your airline reservation is stored in an Oracle database. What books you bought on Amazon is stored in an Oracle database. Your profile on Yahoo! is stored in an Oracle database.”

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that Vox didn’t highlight Oracle’s CIA origins or its never-ending relationship with governments at all levels. But writing an explainer about Oracle without mentioning the CIA or Ellison’s post-9/11 goals or national security infrastructure strikes me as simply bizarre.

All cheese is processed. Technically.

Sinked???

It’s all fun and games until someone gets too far and then You Will Be Herded. Border Collies don’t play that.

*annoyed grunt*

I mean . . . maybe.

We also recommend therapy and hydration. But, y’know. In different communities.

Same reasons though.

OG

Pshw pshw! Pshw!

Woah.

Dude.

Oh . . Lemmy’s down. Ah, no problem.

*Opens Lemmy*

Oh . . Lemmy’s down. Ah, no problem.

*Opens Lemmy*

repeat=100

Gonna go with a Harry Mudd - Vulcan mashup.

Afghanistan’s poppy crop declined notably from 2007 to 2011, before rising again and skyrocketing after 2016, the SIGAR report said, citing U.N. and CIA data. The Taliban profited off the heroin pipeline for years, although U.S. officials clashed over how central it was to their finances.

“Shit.”

“What?”

“Mathematicians.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah.”

*sounds of weapons being checked, loaded*

KHAAA45GHThx;₽§AAAAAAHNN!!!1!

quoi? Oh désolé, je ne sais pas. Vous devez avoir le mauvais numéro.

*sounds of fleeing*

It has to do with creating measuring devices out of what we can empirically derive, and building successive generations off of those. It’s fine for our local system but by the time you get intergalactic (or quantum) with it, flaws start to propagate themselves bigly.

I can’t reveal more at this time or Big Math will get suspicious.

That’s because math is fundamentally flawed.

Shhhhh. Don’t tell anyone, they get all upset about it.

Hi-oooooooo!

Kids these days. Missing out on all the good conspiracies.