Monkey brain need dopamines 🥺

No chance. My brain is fucked.

I literally felt so much anxiety when I tried to live on campus so I ended up withdrawing from college altogether.

I’m just feeling so ashamed of myself for being such a failure I kinda think about killing myself all the time. Depression is so hard, I don’t have the energy to do anything.

It was already bad enough before, now I feel so anxious going outside because of ICE.

I have trouble dealing with other people. I don’t think I can handle roomates… I mean I did had roommates in college, and I kinda… everyone hated me. Well they didn’t say it, but I feel like I was unwelcomed.

I have a lot of health issues. I snore when I sleep and it annoys everyone.

Rent is so expensive these days you can’t be by yourself, but roomates is also a… no no.

I’d probably just get stabbed to death since I have no social skills (well not like zero, but I never really made friends in school, so… there… I doubt I’d get along with randos as roomates in like the adult world no-less)

I mean, I even have trouble finding psychaitric help and feel anxious af trying to schedule an appointment.

I need my parents’ money to even afford health related stuff. Y’all know how it is in the US. They say “seek professional help” but nobody ever mentions the money aspect.

This is years of emotional abuse and neglect.

They destroyed my ability to be independent.

I mean even my older brother 5 years older than me probably has problems being independent. He’s still at home with us.

I know I sound pathetic af

Our family is just a bunch of failures

Shitty parenting destroyed us

Thanks a lot, Confucious and your “filial piety” tiger parenting bullshit.

💀

Also if you have any disabilities, like if you have depression. Oh your parents are gonna be so cruel to you. You are a “useless eater”.

What the fuck is this life. Why?

I wasn’t even supposed to be born. Why the fuck am I here. This fucking suffering.

I’m from mainland China (currently residing in the US), profile pic is because I hate the 5-Star Red Flag and the politics it represents.

Probably something with Asian cultures’s obsession with the idea of “success”. Like… my parents literally wouldn’t care if I became some corrupt government official as long as I don’t get caught. Success is worshipped, failure is shamed. I talk shit about trump, and like my mom said “at least he became president, can you do that?”

I’m like: “naturalized citizens can’t be president”

omg immediately less than 1 second later, mom goes: “but Gary Locke became Governor” (Gary Locke is a Chinese American)

And like you know Mamdani won, immedialy after, she told me “an immigrant managed to become Mayor, you are an immigrant just like him, why can’t you do the same?” bruh… maybe I could if I didn’t get so much emotional damage, mom.

Like they worship success, regardless of if they are “good” or “bad” people.

If you try to be a good person and you “fail” in life, you are considered worse than the bad person in power making a lot of money.

I’m like just so close to killing myself, even though I really wanna live, this is too painful, depression is too painful.

My parents are slowly killing my ethics and empathy, like one day I might just not care.

Either you die young with your morals intact, or you seek success and survival, and you corrupt your soul…

This world is cruel. The world wants you to be cruel to be able to even live a comfortable life.

Not an engineer, but I have I have Asian parents, if I were an engineer and worked for a genocidal dictator, they wouldn’t care, that’s success anyways.

So… yea…

people value success over ethics

welcome to life

society…

Fun fact: did y’all know the Chinese Periodic Table, it has the type of elements built into the chemical symbols as the radical?

Like: 气 Air, 氵 Water, 石 Rock, 钅Metal

Lol…

My mom’s kinda… eh…

Kinda have a love-hate relationship with parents right now.

Like… sure, I appreciate for their sacrafice, but still… emotionally manipulate as hell, at times, emotionally abusive.

Probably some backwards-ass red state / red town shenanigans.

Math was always taught in my Blue cities. The atrocities of the US’s history was never left out of the curriculum.

We need to actually finish doing reconstruction and fix this country.

Your story is a disturbing parallel to modern immigrant stories in the US

I’m also one of them. I’m here in the US right now, I know how it is.

When I had Chinese Language class in the US when I was in highschool (it was a mandatory world language thin where you need 2 credits), I remember there was a presentation thing that I have to introduce myself in Chinese (which I already know lol, that’s why I picked it over spanish), I told the class my family immigrated to the US when I was 8, then I think some kids whose parents are from Fujian were shocked my family came legally. Judging by their reaction, I think some of them, well, their parents at least, were probably unauthorized or maybe they struggled to get legal status. I think the kids themselves were born here, or at least they never admitted that they themselved came without permission, so I assume they are born here. One of my classmates, he was an acquaintance of mine (I wouldn’t really call a “friend”) and he told me his dad got into a bar fight and got deported… so he is just dadless… I felt kinda guilty my family is still together.

The first few years in the US, yea that was rough. I was in Brooklyn. My parents signed me up for afterschool programs so they can work longer. Basically treated that as free childcare lol. I remember that day when the first day of afterschool programs start. It was tuesdays and thursdays from dismissal at 3PM to 4 PM. My mom forgot to tell me.

So I, didn’t speak english at the time, I kinda just cried for an entire hour… I’m seeing this in my memory… like in 3rd person view and I just remember that scene. Didn’t know what was going on, I thought I got in trouble for something. Like… poor kid, I feel bad just observing the memory.

Later on, the afterschool stuff expanded to some ESL classed to like 4:45PM on tues and thurs days. Then I got added to some non-profit Chinese American afterschool program thing… and that was the part I kinda hated the most. A lot of ethnic Chinese kids. Lots of them ABCs (“American-born Chinese”). Their parents are probably busy working too.

I basically remained quiet for the first two years of this. I only talked to kids that spoke Cantonese. Just being invisible for the rest of the time.

Later on, when I learned some English, I still kinda kept my shy personality. Even the English-only ABCs that were foreign to me. I remember some of them bullied me. I still, sort of, remember some of their faces.

I often got picked up last at school. That scene is sad when I recall the memory. 6:30 PM, the clock continues ticking, sky getting dark.

I remember the sun just gone from the sky by the time my mom and I got to our front door of the rented house.

The healthcare thing… yea… I’m trying to find a psychaitrist right now… it sucks… Hard to find one that’s taking new patients and also take your insurance.

A few years ago. My dad had some stomach issue and went to the hospital for like a few months, the bill was so big lmao. Like I think the bill was 4 or 5 digits before the decimal point or something. Luckily, we were insured. Still not a small sum, even then.

That said, overall, our lives improved after we came to the US (we moved around 2010). As for the undocumented… oh yea that’s fucked. I could imagine the families being torn apart. I remember my classmates situation. I bet some of their families probably got separated under this admin’s cruel crackdowns. We got very lucky to be able to just come here legally.

It used to be, at the time I was born.

My mom was in Guangzhou when she had me. I don’t know exactly what happened, I don’t exact understand everything my mom told me, but apprantly either (1) they didn’t manage to find her, or (2) there was some jurisdiction issue that can only be enforced in Taishan (台山), where she was from, because she told me that she was told to go back and she refused, or maybe (3) they government found out about the pregnancy too late.

I’m still unsure. My mom doesn’t like talking about it when I push further on the topic. I think it was her village responsible to enforce it, and since she was in Guangzhou (its a city), I think they just didn’t bother to enforce the abortion. Honestly I’m still confused as hell how I survived it.

My mom told me that after I was born, my existence was pretty much safe, since I assume it’s hard to order people to terminate a crying baby vs a fetus. So anyways… I lived.

My mom told me she got sterilized afterwards.

The fines were that, if my parents didn’t pay the fines, I don’t get legal papers. Basically like an illegal immigrant in my own country. So kids basically got punished for just… existing… they didn’t even choose to exist.

But my parents paid the fine, luckily. It was hard to save up for the money to pay.

I was born in China. Immediatly got a massive fine for the crime of being the 2nd child. 💀

I was lucky they didn’t just abort me. (government people didn’t manage to stop my birth in time…)

I mean that’s the movie trope I think. I think that would be more accurately phrased as “bonding over shared trauma”.

Lol, I’m from a Chinese background and I saw the rabbit and my mind immediately thought of the 嫦娥 thing.

I mean… this is type of stuff is why I kinda sus if my parents are actually my real parents. (I actually posted a No Stupid Questions post about it) This kind of thing is very common in China where I was from, and the authorities don’t really like talking about the issue because it looks bad. (I think its partially fueled by the One Child Policy.)

But then again, my current parents told me about it so it doesn’t exactly make sense to tell me about the kidnapping issue if they were not my real parents. (Or maybe its the ruse all along… idk thinking about it makes my head spin)

I mean most “free” stuff isn’t literally free, it would be more correct to say its socialized, tax-payer funded.

public transport tickets

should be free

Coming soon, NYC ETA. 2026

CAKE DAY! I see your cake logo xD

I stared at it as if it were scp-173, nothing happened.

Maybe I need stare at SCP-96 and use it as the fuel for my modem instead.

Lmao